Even when you're with your partner, do you ever feel lonely? Do you ever feel that you've never been able to create an emotional bond with your partner, despite a strong start? Do you feel that you're the one who carries the relationship's emotional load? Do you have the impression that you are not a priority in your partner's life?
These are all indicators that you're in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. The inability or unwillingness to connect emotionally with people is known as emotional unavailability. Inconsistent communication, avoiding meaningful conversations, avoiding public labelling of your relationship, not exhibiting affection, and acting selfishly are all signs of emotional unavailability.
While these may appear to be obvious indications, emotionally disturbed people may appear to be quite normal on the outside. Your relationship with them may begin hopeful and even encouraging, but over time, you will find that they erect emotional barriers that are difficult to break down.
These barriers can keep you from bonding on a deeper level, thus ruining your relationship. The emotional unavailability of one partner can have a negative impact on the relationship as well as put their partner in emotional distress. There are ways to gradually address the reasons and expressions of emotional unavailability, but patience, time, and vulnerability are required. You can overcome emotional unavailability by focusing on communication, commitment, and, in some cases, counseling.
Signs of Emotionally Unavailable Partners
Recognizing the indications of emotional unavailability in your relationship is the first step toward fixing it. As previously said, emotionally unavailable people are typically adept at concealing their unavailability, making it harder to pinpoint the source of your relationship's problems.
Look for things like ghosting (actual unavailability), having your feelings dismissed, conflict avoidance, defensiveness, and not being prioritized if you suspect your partner is emotionally unavailable.
Recognizing these characteristics in a partner (or even in oneself!) is the first step toward resolving the issue. Whether you're not sure whether you or your partner is emotionally unavailable, there are plenty of internet questionnaires that can help you figure out if this is what's holding you back.
Identifying What caused the problem
It's critical to address the root of the problem if you or your partner recognizes that you or your partner is emotionally unavailable. Fear is a common cause of emotional unavailability. People are sometimes hesitant to share their entire selves with others. This could be related to a fear of being rejected or mocked. They may also be afraid of being harmed in the connection, so they keep individuals at arm's length.
It can also be caused by a sense of insecurity. Insecure persons are more likely to build barriers that prevent others from getting close to them or to sabotage relationships in order to avoid emotional intimacy. These insecurities can be caused by a variety of factors, including past trauma.
Childhood traumas or traumas from a previous relationship can often keep people from moving forward.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability
1. They downplay your emotions — your emotions are frequently dismissed. This may make you appear to be a 'overly emotional' person when, in truth, your reaction is totally rational.
2. They don't want to talk about anything emotional, so conversations stay on the surface and don't go much further. They avoid talking about the future in particular.
3. They are easily offended; they may blame you for your issues and refuse to accept responsibility for their part in confrontations.
4. They are inconsistent in their contact with you; they engage in 'games' with you, such as not texting for days or being ambiguous about their plans. They may ghost you for weeks and then pop back into your life.