We are defined by our boundaries. They define who I am and who I am not. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, allowing me to feel more in control.
Knowing what I am responsible for and what I am responsible for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I can do whatever I want with it. Taking charge of my life opens up a world of possibilities. If I don't "own" my life, though, my choices and options are severely constrained.
Consider how perplexing it would be if someone urged you to "watch this property closely, because I will hold you accountable for what happens here," but then failed to disclose the property's limits.
Your physical skin is the most basic border that defines you. This limit is frequently used as a metaphor for someone who has crossed their personal boundaries: "He really gets under my skin." The first time you discover that you are distinct from others is through your physical self. You gradually understand as an infant that you are not the same as the mother or father who hugs you.
The skin's barrier separates the good from the bad. It preserves your blood and bones by keeping them all together on the inside. It also keeps germs at bay, preventing you from becoming infected. Skin has openings that allow the "good" in, such as food, and the "bad" out, such as waste products.
Victims of physical and sexual abuse frequently lack a strong sense of self-control. They were educated from an early age that their property did not begin at the surface of their skin. Others might break into their home and do whatever they pleased. As a result, individuals have a hard time setting limits later in life.
Separation is fostered by boundaries.
One of the purposes of relationships is to let go of separateness and become one person instead of two. What a state of befuddlement, especially for someone who lacks clear boundaries to begin with!
Poor boundaries cause more marriages to fail than any other factor.
1. Determine what is most essential to you.
If you don't know what you're prepared to accept and what you're not, you can't set a limit. Consider the things that are essential to you on an emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual level, and choose your boundaries.
2. Consider how you're feeling.
If you're beginning to feel resentment or discomfort as a result of other people's actions toward you, it's time to set or re-establish a boundary with them.
3. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse
Setting limits can be difficult at first, so start with minor boundaries that you are more comfortable sharing and work your way up to some of the larger ones. It becomes lot easier after you've talked a handful with others.
4. Inform the other individual of your requirements
Setting boundaries is only the beginning; informing individuals when they have exceeded a barrier is critical. Have a respectful talk with the person involved, and tell them what's bothering you and how you'd like to resolve it.