Those in a relationship with an unloving partner often find themselves at odds with their partner, or at the very least frustrated or confused. However, few understand what causes such emotional deprivation, let alone an approach to connection.
Emotionless people rarely realize the pain and embarrassment caused to the very person they least want to hurt. But they view their emotions as negative or unnecessary and internalize them to the point that they become oblivious of their own feelings or needs beyond the physical. When this happens, they won't be able to understand or empathize with what other people are feeling, so they don't have feelings for those around them. It's not surprising that emotional people may be more interested in sexual behavior than sexual intimacy, which can make their partner feel like an object.
A person who is not emotionally ready will not be able to navigate the hidden and complex content that surrounds us all. They cannot relate, let alone validate the feelings of others. And even in the early stages of rediscovering their feelings and emotions, they may be reluctant to share or reveal for fear that it will leave them hurt, exposed, or judged. This is especially true of people (usually women) who are perfectionists and people pleasers.
They are easily embarrassed and very invested in what othersthink of them. Others may be very insecure and unable to trust their relationships. The same is true for high-achieving and fiercely competitive people where winning is paramount and losing/failing is not an option (usually men). These people tend to keep the conversation superficial, expressing a passion or belief only when it is rooted in an intellectual or academic background.
They may use flattery, anger, avoidance, arrogance, and control to create emotional distance from others. Outwardly, such a person seems self-sufficient, strong, stable, steadfast and is perceived as confident, but they tend to lack empathy. Non-emotional people have emotional obstacles in their lives that can often lead them to be overly critical of themselves and others. They are often cynical and very negative about life in general. If someone close to you is always critical of you, chances are that person is also being overly self-critical and unable to connect emotionally.
These people need to be in touch with their own emotions before they can share their feelings with their partner. All emotionless people have periods of anxiety and/or depression, but they often don't know it because they are so forgetful of their feelings.
Anxiety is related to fear, and fear is one of the root causes of emotional apathy: fear of closeness, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of being hurt, fear of judgment, fear of death irrationality and/or fear of being exposed as less than they claim to be. As we delve deeper into the emotionless person, they almost always experience toxic shame, feelings of not being good enough, feelings of not being enough or just or bad feelings. Newborns, regardless of gender, are born with a full spectrum of emotions. None of us are born without emotions unless we are born with a severe disability (and even then, babies can have emotions).
Emotionally prepared parents can guide their children, regulating their emotions by getting along with their children. Unfortunately, more and more parents are unable to accomplish something that we might consider primitive or natural. The reasons for this can vary, from postpartum depression to the way parents raise children in their family.
Children who grow up in chaotic homes, where emotions are interpreted as conflict, may suppress their emotions or turn them off altogether. On the other hand, children who grow up in homes where emotional expression is unacceptable or perceived as a sign of weakness may also regulate or suppress their natural emotions.
There is trauma bonding involved, where children are bonded to these chaotic situations aka trauma.
Other causes of emotional insensitivity in adulthood include childhood neglect and childhood abuse or trauma. Being in a relationship with an unloving person can be both frustrating and painful. And alone. In essence, a healthy intimate relationship requires emotional closeness.
Emotional closeness is emotional connection. Emotional connection requires a partner to be attuned to the other's feelings. Partners of emotionally unavailable people can feel invisible, unheard, unappreciated, unwanted, and unloved. It's not uncommon for an emotionless person to send mixed signals. Although they may express a desire or need to be close, their actions are contradictory. Even when sensing closeness, they may separate or close together, again creating distance.
Emotional closure is often a defense or defense mechanism. But it often leaves their partner feeling doubtful, anxious, or worse, feeling rejected or abandoned. But those who are emotionally unavailable can change. In my practice, we see many of these clients and they say that seeing us for counseling and psychotherapy is the first time that allows them to get in touch with their feelings, truly believing. imagine someone (their therapist) and finally be able to fully participate in their life. relationships with relatives.
In short, the process of being in a therapeutic relationship with their therapist allows an emotionally unavailable person to experience, perhaps for the first time, a sense of security, wellbeing, fulfillment. and how comforting it is to always be emotionally available and here.