We love connecting with others because it makes us happy – good communication is key to positive social interactions. But what does a healthy conversation look like? How to avoid overcommunication? And how to improve communication in a romantic relationship?
A communication pattern typically involves a sender, a receiver, and a message (verbal or nonverbal) encoded by the sender and decoded by the receiver. It also includes the response, the recipient's response to the message, as well as noise, i.e. anything that could disrupt communication. Encoding refers to the sender converting thoughts into a transmittable message.
The receiver explains what he received in the form of a message, both verbally and non-verbally. While this sounds simple in theory, as you can imagine there's a lot going on in between, and no message is deciphered without bias. How we decode a message is never objective reality. We all have our own filters and interpretation styles to create a picture of the world as we see it. What makes the communication process more complicated is the fact that the sender's message is rarely made up of actual information.
What to do if there is no communication in a relationship
Listening is one of the most important communication skills. Deep and positive relationships can only be developed by listening to each other. If there is no communication in your relationship, it is possible that neither party is really listening; instead, are the two just trying to prove themselves right, or maybe they're listening while "doing something else"?
Here are the common mistakes: Daydreaming or taking into account some thing else (even some thing as easy as your listing of groceries) even as every other character is speaking; Thinking of what to mention next; Judging what the opposite character is saying; Listening with a selected goal/final results in mind.
But energetic listening is a lot greater than now no longer talking. It is an artwork that calls for a actual hobby withinside the different character, a interest as opposed to an anticipative mind.
Active listening involves:
- Nonverbal involvement (display your interest)
- Focus on the speaker, not your personal thoughts
- Not formulating rebuttals
- Listening silently without interrupting endlessly
1. Don't sweep anything under the rug
Our first tip to put it simply is: try it! You may be tempted to avoid difficult conversations to keep the peace or because you fear being stupid. But the risk with this is that you won't talk about everything until you finally break down because of the stress that has built up over time. It's better to open up to the little things and do it often than to have big arguments that can damage your relationship. Of course, that doesn't mean making your partner do every little thing - it's important that you let the little things pass - but if there are things that seem to bother you over and over again, that's it. is important. . It is better to discuss them than to lock them up.
2. Don't make them defensive
It's easy to react to disagreements with your partner by telling them everything you think they're doing wrong and making lots of accusations. But the problem is that it only risks putting them on the defensive. In counseling, we often recommend that people try using "I" statements. It means mainly talking about how things feel. While it may sound a bit clinical, you could try saying, "When you do x, it makes me feel y". In this way, focusing on yourself means that you are in charge of your feelings and are less likely to make your partner feel attacked. It's a simple change, but can really change the tone of disagreement and make it less likely to spiral out of control.
3. Choose a place and time
It's not just about what you say and how you say it, but also where and when. Sometimes it helps to schedule a discussion at a specific time and place. There are several advantages to this. When you take the time, that means you can give your full attention to the conversation and not try to fit it in before doing something else, like going out or going to bed. If you're trying to hold an important business meeting, you don't usually try to fit in by walking down the hallway, so why do we often do this with our relationships? Also, changing your position can mean changing the way you think. If you argue a lot at home, you can associate the space with similar patterns. Going somewhere else, or even doing something else while you're talking, such as driving or walking, can help change your mind.
4. Take the time to talk and listen
We tend to think that communication is about being heard, but that's really only half of it. It is important that you get along with each other. Often when we talk, we just wait for our turn to speak. We hear what they say, but we focus our response: "That's not true, that really pisses me off." Understandable: no one likes to hear something they disagree with. But to really understand your partner's point of view, you have to really care and incorporate it. You may find it helpful to use the following simple pattern: one person talks, the other listens, then paraphrases what they said: "what you said was ...". And then change. Again, this may sound a bit clinical, but repeating what your partner has said can be a very effective technique. It shows both of you that you're trying to understand what they're saying and that it's actually a lot easier to do so - just as it's easier to remember a fact by saying it out loud. It is not necessary to agree with each other. It's about getting to know each other so you can start moving towards a solution. If you keep this as a goal at all times, you'll be much less likely to argue.
5. Practice
Our final tip is to remember that communication is a skill and it takes practice to master. If you want to develop a couple's ability to communicate, you'll need to establish positive habits of speech and make a real effort to stick with them. Some days you'll be better than others, and some days you won't. But if you stick with it, you'll find that over time, your ability to speak your mind and listen as your partner tells you what they're thinking improves.