This is one of the most overlooked reasons at a subconscious level why women leave their men, or find certain men unattractive. It has been discussed very generally about how man shouldn't be simps, not to be clingy, suffering from the nice guy syndrome. However at the fundamental level beneath all this is the concept of Attachment Anxiety.
Women test for this in their men all the time, subconsciously, sometimes not even aware, or able to put into words. Some call this looking for a guy with charisma or leadership, and even why toxic men can be so much more appealing than the nice guy.
One of the most startling things I have come across to men suffering from nice guy syndrome is telling them to move on and stop trying to chase back after the lady who left him.
It really left me dumbfounded, because that guy shows qualities like loyalty, determination, not giving up... so why would anyone say such things and discourage a deeply hurt man to stop pursuing.
Attachment Anxiety is what turns women off. There are 4 types of attachment styles: Anxious, Fearful, Secure and Avoidant. What women want are men that displays Secure Attachment style.
Men who display such a Secure style, could be the bad guy (opposite of the simp), mature alpha male. Of course there are healthy and unhealthy versions, so let's focus on the healthy Secure Attachment style. The healthy version refers to a man who even before the relationship is
- Happy
- Loves himself, healthy sense of self-wroth
- Strong presence
- See things for what they are, rather than trying to manipulate and control
These men, are extremely attractive and loving. Their love comes from a place of abundance. And because they do not have a void to fill, they need nothing in return in a relationship. They are happy whether alone or in a relationship.
By being in reality rather than overthinking, they exude a strong presence, that draws people in like gravity. They don't see a need to coerce, manipulate, or do anything to make others do what they want in order to feel good, because they already have a healthy sense of self-worth.
These men are emotionally available.
The opposite are men who display Anxious Attachment styles. These men are repulsive because women can feel that they are not comfortable in their own skin. They do things with an agenda and are restless when left on their own.
Anxiously Attached men are the Simps. they are so ready and desperate to shower compliments, do anything that the women say to exchange for their attention. Their self-worth is derived from how the women view them, react to them.
They have emotional voids and therefore seek to please, pursuing to fill that void. Women are much more emotionally acute than men at a subconscious level and they are able to detect that anxious, needy vibe.
These men are emotionally unavailable.
A simple test on whether a man is anxiously attached is whether he can move on after a break up, or even the very thought of it feels like his entire world comes crumbling down.
There's a lot of concepts mixed up into this simple paragraph. To love doesn't have to be attached. That's how we love food, animals, the sky etc. Love is the willingness to involve someone into your life.
Being anxiously attached means that you feel that you are incomplete, and therefore needs another human to make yourself feel complete.
Whenever we are anxiously attached, we see our identity as being dependant on something external of us, making us detached from reality.
A secure man, never exudes the vibes of chasing desperately. And because his sense of self isn't built on outside people or things, he is in a healthy emotional state and cannot be taken away. A break up or divorce will result in sorrow. But that sorrow doesn't mean he begs, pleads and sinks into depression.
Love is to be totally involved but not attached.
Simps, do better, for yourself, not for the sake of the attention of anyone.