When your partner isn't around, how do you feel? Do you find yourself worrying about your relationship when your partner is away from you, such as when they go to work or when you reside in different locations? When your lover is out of sight, you may begin to imagine scenarios in which they are unfaithful. Do you find yourself dwelling about former relationships and what went wrong? Do you often have tremendous feelings when you initially start a relationship and discover that you require a lot of reassurance from your partner? It's possible that it causes a lot of conflict in your relationship.
How can you get over your fear of being in a relationship?
Early childhood relationships with early caregivers teach us about relationships, and these lessons may influence how you approach relationships today. If you find yourself worrying a lot about other people's relationships and experiencing relationship anxiety, it's possible that it stems from your own relationship history with your early caretakers.
When you were a baby and subsequently grew into a toddler, your mother would have been consistent in her interactions with you, with lots of eye-to-eye interaction, smiling, talking, holding, feeding, changing, hugging, and so on. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. Perhaps your mother was forced to work from a young age. Perhaps she had (psychological) health issues, or you had a sick brother who required a lot of care.
Your mother may have had the greatest of intentions, but she was unable to remain consistent with you in her dealings for some reason. She may have been present and kind when she was with you, but she had to leave, leaving you with your grandparents or friends or neighbours for a variety of reasons.
When a baby and then a toddler have an unstable relationship with their primary caregiver, they develop excruciating anxiety over the possibility that their mother would abandon them. Even when mother is nearby, the youngster may get fixated with having mother in sight and be unable to relax.
If you have relationship anxiety in adulthood, you may (unconsciously) seek for partner(s) with whom you may construct a relationship dynamic comparable to that of your early caretaker (s). You might come across someone who is aloof and inconsistent in their relations at times. You begin to seek reassurance frequently, and depending on their own relationship past, your spouse may find this perplexing. This could result in a lot of disagreements.
Sometimes, you may have found the person who is content in their relationship and safe in their attachment, but it may not feel enough at times.
Relationship anxiety is difficult to deal with, and many people are unsure whether their anxiety stems from a real threat to their relationship with their partner (e.g., a partner who isn't fully committed to the relationship) or from their own insecurity in the relationship, which stems from previous relationship experiences.
What can you do if you're worried about your relationship?
Someone with this form of anxious-preoccupied connection (bond) is always looking outwardly for approval from the other. Here are some suggestions for lowering relationship anxiety over time:
Increasing self-awareness — Gain a better understanding of yourself, your trigger spots, and your adult and childhood relationship histories.
Openly discuss your relationship's demands with your partner — a sympathetic and understanding partner can make you feel more at ease in a relationship.
- Be honest about the types of relationships you've been drawn to in the past — If you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't share your relationship goals, your anxiety may rise.
- Learn to accept and accept your own relationship history through writing and psychological counseling, for example.
- Self-compassion and recognizing this as a part of your path are the best things you can do for yourself.
- When your nervous system is activated, use grounding strategies to quiet it down, such as deep breathing, tracking your physiological sensations, naming solid items in your environment, and using your senses to feel connected to the present.